James

This cerulean blue I have seen only once
Clear Hawaiian sky reflected in a pool
But that a trick of the painted azure/aqua walls beneath the water
Your eyes, then, some new miracle of genetics

Your older brother's eyes, the exact hazel of his mother
Followed my every move; copied my every action
Holding me daily as the revered icon I might never live up to
But yours never met my gaze
Always askance; always beyond my shoulder;
The ceiling; the floor;
The toy plate you learned to spin on the coffee table
Endlessly drawn into some deeper truth
In its oscillating, ever-quickening perigee of plastic on wood

Your brother relished every minute of human contact,
Never happy to be released from our embrace
Until sleep finally arrested him
You preferred to simply be placed in the crib
Our hugs and kisses a barely tolerable annoyance in your routine
Of constant smiles at a world seen through corners of the eye

She knew before I did, these signs glaring
But words failed her and she waited for doctors to announce
This unwanted paradigm, some new mystery of genetics

A day later, diagnosis in hand, tears wiped away
Your smile never abated and you were, after all, our little bear
Autism is just a word; its logotype a dark cerulean puzzle piece
James is a universe,
A blur of elan, frolic, giggles

Intervention; acceptance; therapy; love
Each day another lesson for you to engage
Another lesson for us to beckon but never pull
Each day another miracle of fulfillment

Now those eyes find mine and I melt like a spent candle
Burned in cerulean flame
Now those hugs come and I finally understand why you always smiled
Your love unhindered by any genetic definition